Elouise 15+ Months

Post-Op Musings...

I don't think I've slept right in days. Since the surgery, the meds seem to put in a sort of eyes-shut daydreaming trance. One where I know I'm thinking, I can manipulate my thoughts into dreams and I'm just thinking thoughts really, like I'm awake.

The surgery has gone well, all the mess that caused my chronic pain has left me virtually pain-free as the pain I experience now is much duller and managable than the pain I had before.

I'm mostly just itchy, the stitches has waterproof clear stickies on them and irritate me as I cannot properly scratch them. Other than that the only pain I experience is from my bowel... it really lost out in the surgery, being manipulated has made it lazy and grumpy. Really cramps up when I feel the need to poop and that could be a poop in the making that I'm nowhere near doing so I have to take extra meds then as it kicks everything off.

I was laying in bed earlier, and my belly kept seizing...at first I thought it felt interesting, like as if I were pregnant with a baby moving... soon it really made me feel ill, more as if my tummy was retching.

It's strange, it occurred to me at one point that we should start trying for more kids soon, then I realised the truth - I can no longer have children and it was the oddest blank feeling. No sadness, no eureka realisation...just "oh. That's right." like someone had pressed *delete* on the emotion I was supposed to feel at that very moment.

All in all, I'm not sad. And I'm especially not sad thinking of others being pregnant, never been the type. All those years trying, failing, experiencing difficulties... that was my story. No one elses. So I've always considered the joy of others to be shared and I always have been excited on their behalf.

Surgery has shown some people's true feelings.... Some have shied from me feeling guilt about their own blessings and others have taken my lack of personal communication to be my own opinion of them and our friendship.

I love babies, I love kids....I love sharing in the lives of others and I am happy I'm finally headed towards true health.

None of this is about you personally. Hate to break it to you but there is too much on my list to consider right now whether or not I'm following up enough with people.

Someone said to me "what if Elouise died? You wouldn't be able to have any more children." Strange right? This person is bilingual so at first I thought it was said wrong but the meaning behind it is STILL strange right?

Whether or not Elouise is alive, my ability to have children shouldn't matter in her case. If I had more children they wouldn't be an emergency replacement for another child.

If you had B to replace A, then C to replace B then you can go on forever right? And no one thinks of "what if my child dies?" for the obvious reason that it's not something one should ever have to think about.

*-* Just my shiny 20 cents *-* 

The magic of Well-ness

On Thursday the 11th, I was booked in at 11am. I arrived, waited to be seen. Then put through to be admitted, put in one of those backless-wonder gowns then waited on a recliner.

Saw the doctor, the surgeon and the anesthetist. After a wait again I was told that I was going in at 2pm. At 1.40pm I was flushed with an enema and then J was put in scrubs.

J + scrubs = hawt!

I signed to my husbie our "secret" love you gesture then I was operated on.
When they opened me up it was more of a mess than expected, I had cysts, scarring and my pelvic wall was littered with endometriosis. All this was removed, scraped or burnt off.

When I woke, I was totally drugged out of it. I remember seeing J and Steve, and being so glad to see them both but not much else. I was told I talked on the phone to A.T. twice but don't remember that.

I was in a shared room, one other patient... she had some cancerous growths removed and I overheard the doctor tell her they were debating radiation treatment, 5 days a week for 5 weeks... She shared with him that she'd been through that experience when her husband suffered from stomach cancer the year before, she seemed well-versed in the cons of the treatment and maybe a bit stubborn to undertake it herself. Preferring maybe a more natural route to recovery.

She is in my prayers, I hope gets well.

When I woke up again I felt stunningly well considering, I'd suffered chronic pain since I gave birth to Elouise... an oversensitive uterus, constant debilitating cramps, random hemorrhaging, ovarian pain and a constant bowel problem that has plagued me since 2008. Unable to go out spontaneously, without being near a toilet...

All these chronic issues have left me. I think the bowel issue was caused by endometriosis irritating after eating. And all those reproductive issues are now null.

I feel like a new person, on the day after surgery I was up and walking around. I even felt like I could go a round at the gym. I feel so full of beans, so pumped and like I could go out whenever I wanted without a single worry.

I got my catheter removed, my drain-shunt removed [that really hurt] and my IV removed too. I got a couple of anti-clot injections and seeing we live so near the hospital I was allowed home.

My body barely hurts. Much less post-op than when I've had other surgeries. I have a stinging belly button, one of those stitch-like cramps you get from running on my left side and a uncomfortable tightness across my belly like my pants dug in too tight.

I'm keeping up on my meds. Not bending down or picking up anything heavy and I think I may recover faster than expected. I'm keeping active, trying not to sit for long as I'm still wearing anti-clot socks. I walk around the house and am supposed to get at least 1 hour horizontal rest a day to let my body recover through sleep.

I can tell when I overwork myself, eventhough my mind is perky and wants to dance or workout or whatever...I tell it to be happy with minimal walking. Don't want to bust out of my stitches now, do I?

I'm getting my stitches removed on Wednesday, I have 3 entrance wounds and 1 from the drain and stitches from the organ removal but they are fast-healing.

Thankyou everyone for your support, prayers and love.

*-* much love *-*

*Whatever Day*

I'm totally off today.... which is obvious because a package came and I haven't cared to even consider opening it.

I'm watching Bubsie play quietly with a box, I don't even know why I'm online right now, I don't feel like any of my regular internet routine.

I'm so listless.

I packed my hospital bag yesterday, all I have left to do is slip my bible in and take off all my rings and piercings just before I leave the house on Thursday.

J was great, took our daughter shopping for my hospital supplies on Sunday after his driving lesson.

Well, I can't form a decent thought today at all...

Organising, sorting...and GETTING PUBLISHED

It's been a rush to get things settled before the surgery day, hard to believe it's this coming Thursday!

But instead of sh*tting bricks...which I confess I am in the quiet moments that I get to myself each night...

I am keeping distracted, I had such help completing my custom girls, that is true love, helping a girl complete what she dreams will get done.

We now have Aurora the custom Street Pullip after a terrible case of age-yellowing, Yen the custom Dal with a whole new face-expression, Poppy the tan-skinned purple-haired Blythe and Neon Cookie the Jem-inspired 80s lag-over custom Blythe, she is so glam, glitter and rainbow-bright!

So that's four done on a remarkable deadline. *High-fives all round*

Other than filling my days loving on my Bubsie, devoting spare minutes to photographing my growing family of dolls and sorting the house into an infirm-friendly environment...

I've been keeping busy, chatting online, making wishlists - shopping lists - to-do lists and just about every other list imaginable and,
organising Elouise's Christening. I'm looking forward to finally be well enough, mobile enough and emotionally stable enough to see my daughter finally be welcomed into the faith and church.

In other news:

Blythiful Magazine is releasing the next issue on the 11th of October.
There have been many doll magazines come and gone due to lack of public support, printing costs... This magazine has been re-launched and Priscila Ferreira is the brains behind it.

First of all, doll lovers can support printing costs by buying BRTs. This will put you in the running for a load of sweet prizes.

Second of all, doll lovers and not doll lovers... BUY THIS UPCOMING ISSUE.

I am published in this particular one, an article about my life and how Blythe fit into it.

Buy issue 3 when it is released. I'm counting on you, it would make me so proud.

*-* Much Love *-*